Open the Eyes of My Heart

This Sunday in church, I found myself singing, with the congregation, the worship song “Open the Eyes of My Heart.” I have always liked that song. However, like many, we find ourselves singing familiar songs in more of a rote than meaningful way. As I was singing, I was reminded of a specific time in my car that I sang that song. It was a few years ago. Seems like a lifetime ago because my life has changed so much since then. It was one of those dark, cold, mornings, where no matter how hard you try, the windshield keeps clouding up whenever you get the temp just right in the car. It was frustrating. I wasn’t just frustrated with the car though, I was frustrated with lots of things. I remember singing that song with an urgent longing. A longing to pursue Him, to see Him, to serve Him. It was a particularly difficult time in my life, but one that I see now was so necessary to bring me to where I am today and closer to Him.

I was having dinner with a friend recently. The two of us were having a conversation about how we have changed in the last few years. We talked not only about how our lives had changed, but the unexpected and undeserved blessings that have come along with the change. I was recalling how, just a few years ago, I had no idea what God had in store for me. I had no idea I would have a passion for Christian Radio, for plugging others into areas of service, for reaching out to the needy, and for serving in orphan ministry. I had no idea that He would give me incredible experiences and insight in and about life. I had no idea that I would meet an amazing man through it all, and fall in love. I had no idea the Lord had so many gifts in store for me.

I have learned so much the past few years. I remember a time when I prayed so hard for Him to help me see people the way He sees them. I thought this was just a brilliant plan. I was feeling like I was going through a phase where I didn’t have the patience with people like I wished to. So, I figured if I saw people the way God did, I would have all the patience in the world and love everyone. The Lord was so gracious to answer my prayer. However, I didn’t exactly get what I had in mind. Yes, I did grow in patience. Yes, I did love more. However, something I received that I wasn’t expecting was hurt. I hurt when I saw people with evil motives. I saw more so than ever, the deceptive ways of so many. I hurt more than ever when I saw people suffering. It didn’t just frustrate me, but hurt deep within me and made me realize how He must feel. It still does. I guess I got more than I bargained for, as they say. Through it all, it opened the eyes of my own heart as well.

As I sang that song in church, I thought back to that rainy day in the car. I thought back to how I was desperate to see Him. I was desperate to hear of His will. It saddened me to realize I don’t live everyday with that same urgent plea. I finished singing the song differently than I had started on Sunday. I finished with a heartfelt request. Open the eyes of my heart, Lord. I want to see You. I want to see You…..