Sometimes I Wish I Could Walk On Water....

Sometimes I wish I could walk on water…. If I could, then maybe I would have the power to heal a hurting heart. Maybe then I would have arms big enough to hold anyone who needed to be wrapped tightly. Maybe then I could cast away a lingering dark cloud with the wave of a hand. The truth is, the last time I stepped into the ocean, my foot went straight to the bottom and hit the sand. It seems I am not meant to fix it all, although I wish I could.

Two weeks ago, my father-in-law passed away. It was very unexpected and shook the world around us. Phil was in another part of the world, but felt the shake as he heard the news by phone so far away. I wanted to change so much. I wanted to change the outcome of that Friday afternoon. If I had, my father-in-law would still be sitting in his favorite chair in the living room and answering, “I’m still upright” when asked how he is doing today. As I watched, almost in slow motion, the tears drop from my mother-in-law’s face and hit the sleeve of my shirt, I painfully realized something. There was not one thing I could say to stop her heart from hurting in that moment. I hated the helpless feeling I had right then. I wanted to fly through the air and be with my husband and cry with him while he sat in an airport alone with this news. Once he was home, I wanted to change the fact that my arms felt so small. When I’m sad, he has a way of holding me to where I am totally supported to just let go. I’m not big enough to return the favor. I try, but it’s not the same, I’m sure. I longed to fix the pain he was going through, but couldn’t.

I may not be able to walk on water, but another powerful place to be is on your knees….in prayer. That is where I went. Through it all, I saw Him work. I heard Him speak, and I felt Him near. Although I still don’t understand God’s timing of it all, I don’t question His plan. We know Brink is there with Him, and it was his time to go home.

As life goes on after what was a difficult couple weeks, things are different. One thing stays the same though. God is good. No, I may not be able to walk on water, or at least I haven’t been able to yet. I know someone else who can though. Miraculously I have seen Him work. The hurting hearts still hurt, but laugher and smiles are on the faces that were once soaked with tears. My arms haven’t gotten bigger, but my heart did. Just when you think you couldn’t love someone anymore, you heart grows even bigger for them in the midst of their pain. The sun shines again, and that dark cloud that wasn’t mine to take care of is under the control of Someone much greater than me. God is good.