Monday, March 4, 2013

Big Boy, Slides, and Joy in Today


It’s not like I wasn’t warned this would happen.  My little boy is growing up way too fast.  Yesterday at the park, he climbed the ladder up to the slide by himself. Although I was clapping and cheering him on, I was oddly hurting a bit at the same time. Sometimes, he hasn’t needed me to be at the bottom of the slide to catch him when he musters the courage to go down.  Once at the park yesterday, he wanted to try a bigger slide.  It was higher up so, I walked behind him, just in case he would need me.  Although he did need some encouragement to go down, it didn’t take him long. What a bittersweet moment of sadness vs. joy as I let go of his hand and watched him spiral down the “big” slide.

He’s a sweet boy. You can see it in the mornings when he gently lifts my shirt to see the growing belly we call, “Baby.”  He then leans in and kisses his baby sister/brother and pulls my shirt to cover it again. You can see it when his Daddy comes home from work and he promptly snuggles in for an extended time of cuddles while whispering “Dada, Dada,” while smiling. 

Sure, we have entered into the world of tantrums. We have learned and even frequent the word, “No,” throughout the day. We throw our food and forget that yelling is an “outside voice.”  We kick and cry through diaper changes. I’m even known to have daydreams of taking a random bubble bath to allow Calgon to “Take me away.” Those necessary tests of boundaries are normal for his development, and I know that. This season is a strong one, shaping who he will become later in life.

I dream of the man he will grow up to be at the same time I ache to see him grow. In many ways, he’s still that little baby I brought home from the hospital and always will be. I know, I know, just wait until he goes to kindergarten, or to college, or gets married.  The slide is just the beginning. I dream and pray for the man he will become, but just didn’t realize he was on his way so quickly. Is there a way to freeze time to get a few more cuddles in? 

Nope, there’s not. That’s why today when the weather man announced it will be 85 degrees out, I decided to change our plans. I looked over my list, (Yes, I’m so anal, I keep lists on everyday tasks. Why? Because they make me feel like there is actually order in the world) and moved playing outside in the sand box to #1. We may even eat our lunch outside- picnic style. Today, I choose to not give an internal eye roll at the sight of him reaching for the same book we’ve read 8 times already this morning. Today, I embrace it. In a blink of an eye, he won’t need me to read to him anymore. In a split second, he will be going off to college. And so, I’m thankful for today and all that comes with it. Although it may throw a few challenges my way, it feels pretty close to being perfect.  Today I celebrate cheering from the side of the slide instead of having him on my lap and going down with him. It’s a different viewpoint to watch the wind whip through his hair, but it’s a pretty blessed one at that. At this viewpoint, I get an even better shot of his smiles. 

No comments: