It’s not like I wasn’t warned
this would happen. My little boy is
growing up way too fast. Yesterday at
the park, he climbed the ladder up to the slide by himself. Although I was clapping
and cheering him on, I was oddly hurting a bit at the same time. Sometimes, he
hasn’t needed me to be at the bottom of the slide to catch him when he musters
the courage to go down. Once at the park
yesterday, he wanted to try a bigger slide.
It was higher up so, I walked behind him, just in case he would need
me. Although he did need some
encouragement to go down, it didn’t take him long. What a bittersweet moment of
sadness vs. joy as I let go of his hand and watched him spiral down the “big”
slide.
He’s a sweet boy. You can see
it in the mornings when he gently lifts my shirt to see the growing belly we
call, “Baby.” He then leans in and kisses
his baby sister/brother and pulls my shirt to cover it again. You can see it
when his Daddy comes home from work and he promptly snuggles in for an extended
time of cuddles while whispering “Dada, Dada,” while smiling.
Sure, we have entered into
the world of tantrums. We have learned and even frequent the word, “No,”
throughout the day. We throw our food and forget that yelling is an “outside
voice.” We kick and cry through diaper
changes. I’m even known to have daydreams of taking a random bubble bath to
allow Calgon to “Take me away.” Those necessary tests of boundaries are normal
for his development, and I know that. This season is a strong one, shaping who
he will become later in life.
I dream of the man he will
grow up to be at the same time I ache to see him grow. In many ways, he’s still
that little baby I brought home from the hospital and always will be. I know, I
know, just wait until he goes to kindergarten, or to college, or gets
married. The slide is just the
beginning. I dream and pray for the man he will become, but just didn’t realize
he was on his way so quickly. Is there a way to freeze time to get a few more
cuddles in?
Nope, there’s not. That’s why
today when the weather man announced it will be 85 degrees out, I decided to
change our plans. I looked over my list, (Yes, I’m so anal, I keep lists on
everyday tasks. Why? Because they make me feel like there is actually order in
the world) and moved playing outside in the sand box to #1. We may even eat our
lunch outside- picnic style. Today, I choose to not give an internal eye roll
at the sight of him reaching for the same book we’ve read 8 times already this morning. Today, I embrace it. In a blink of an eye, he won’t need me to read to him
anymore. In a split second, he will be going off to college. And so, I’m
thankful for today and all that comes with it. Although it may throw a few challenges
my way, it feels pretty close to being perfect.
Today I celebrate cheering from the side of the slide instead of having
him on my lap and going down with him. It’s a different viewpoint to watch the
wind whip through his hair, but it’s a pretty blessed one at that. At this viewpoint,
I get an even better shot of his smiles.
